Everything is final

Finding words lately has been tough. I almost feel guilty for smiling or feeling happy. It's not that I don't...because I have to.

I went to another doctor appointment this week, 1 day after my "8-week" appointment was scheduled. It was tough sitting there watching pregnant women walk in and out. That would've been me.

When the nurse called me back, I went through the doors that I have been through once a week for the past 4 weeks, she asked how I was doing, "ok" was my tear-filled response. She said, "I guess you are beginning to feel like a pin cushion." I replied, "I guess that is how you could describe it." I couldn't wait to get out of there.

The next day, my test results came back and my HCG levels came down from 600-something to 3...So I guess everything is final.

I appreciate the emails and comments from everyone. I don't mind reading and responding electronically...It just seems too hard to talk about it right now. I just can't choke-up the words.