My Children. My Opinions. My Tales.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Numbness to Sadness

It finally hit me. I was wondering when the numbness would finally go away. It has been a really hard week for me. Not only has it sunk in that I lost a baby, but the anniversary of my Grandfather going into the hospital was this week last year. I feel sick and drained. What's worse are the news stories about parents who are abusing their children, one died from wounds caused by her mother's boyfriend beating her daughter with a video game controller. I just ask, why? Why. I talked to a mom today who is 7 months pregnant, who was complaining to me that her and her husband didn't want any more children (they already have 3.) and how hard it is to change plans and rearrange their lives now that another one is on the way. Why? Why me?

Why did God give me a baby and then take them away? Why did this happen to me? Why are their moms out there smoking, drinking and snorting crack -- while they are pregnant and still deliver? I am not looking for comments...I just needed to vent.

Jelly told her teacher the other day, "Mommy is sad. It is ok to be sad. I give her hug and kiss and say, Mommy it is ok." I haven't cried in front of her...she just knows I am hurting. That is my sweet girl.

She is what keeps me going.

3 comments:

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

I'm sorry Carey. I know you said you're not looking for comments & know there's nothing I can do, but just wanted to let you know I had read & am feeling for you. Jill

Shawn said...

Our world certainly is a mystery ... I ask a lot of whys, myself. Hugs to you today, this week and days to come.

I have ZERO luck even getting pregnant so I know how hard it is to see so many who couldn't care less or don't want it at all and yet it comes so easily for them.

Carey said...

Thanks. I know I will get through this...it just is going to take time. :)